The following is a transcript of an unsolicited monologue I was given by a first grader today.
"Tomorrow is my mom AND my grandma's birthday. So, we're going to celebrate at mt grandma's house, then at my house. I got my mom a cupcake with two strawberries. They were sticker strawberries, not real ones. I don't know what I'm going to do for my grandma yet. Probably, just play with her neck cause it's so chubby."
Happy birthday, Grandma.
Ted Stevens, in his attempt to be named Craziest Bastard Out There has taken it to a new level. In complete denial of reality, Soon-to-be-former Senator Stevens had this to say
He acted out his stance, thusly,
After years of a complete inability to beat Adam in Fantasy Football, I finally got my first win ever. In the most unlikely of circumstances, with my THREE best running backs not playing and posting a season low poitn total I bested his less than stellar output. In recognition of my being free from this burden. Let's all enjoy some George Michael.
I don’t really have much I can add to this, but for those of you who didn’t get enough of my boxing insights or just like stories about urine. Check this out.
During the season premiere of South Park, well I don’t feel like recapping the episode, but it wasn’t one of their bests, though it was quite something.
Now Read this and come back to me.
A few issues.
1.) It wasn’t one rape scene. There were multiple rape scenes and they were all parodies of, for lack of a better term, famous film rape scenes.
2.) There’s not one tiny part of this episode that had anything to do with Steven Speilberg being Jewish, or Yom Kippur.
Any assertion that it did is wildly off base and ,frankly, stupid.
Be offended, if you feel you must, about the cartoon depiction of graphic rape scenes, but really, it’s a cartoon that makes it’s bones, often brilliantly, on skewering and satirizing everything.
But, may I recommend that get over it.
I have been trying, over the course of the last few years, to become interested in the NBA. For years, and I’m talking nearly 20, the style of play in the NBA has been such that I have had 0.0 interest in watching any of the games.
The style of play has changed and improved greatly over the last few years. Less one on one, more team play, better defense. Just better basketball all the way around.
But I still couldn’t get interested in a team or a player enough to sit down and watch a game in it’s entirety.
The final piece to the puzzle seemed to be in place for me to truly grow an interest. There are now three IU players in the NBA poised to get serious playing time and give me someone to root for. Jared Jeffries, Eric Gordon and DJ White.
The Knick still suck in a big way, but with a new coach and a new approach it seemed the JJ was going to get a larger role in the offense. Until training camp began and he broke his leg. He’s out 6-8 weeks.
Eric Gordon has the chance, playing for the lowly Clippers to make a real contribution and be a break out player in his rookie season. Until training camp started and he landed on some one’s ankle and roled his ankle.
How often does that happen?
Every time.
He’s out a couple of weeks.
And then the coups de gras. DJ White is going to miss 4-6 MONTHS after a benign growth was discovered on his jaw. He has to have surgery, which will include taking a bone graft from his hip and attaching that bone to his face.
Now we’re down to 0.0 players ready to make an impact as the season begins and my interest in the NBA on hold for at least a little while longer.
I just saw this article on ESPN.com about Evander Holyfield. It seems he is in talks to fight Nikolai Valuev for the Heavy Weight Title. Holyfield will be 46 when this fight takes place. If he wins that would make him the oldest Heavy Weight Champion ever.
The oldest, of course, being George Foreman, who was 45 when he defeated Michael Moorer in what is high in the running for the damnedest things I’ve ever seen.
When Foreman came out of retirement to resume his boxing career it was HUGE news. The fact that he fought respectibly and even recaptured the title was unbelievable.
If Holyfield wins this fight, it will be moderately interesting at best. Here’s why.
1.) Holyfield has never really retired. He’s been fighting off and on for a while now. He fought last year.
2.) I have no idea who Nikolai Valuev is. I have a passing interest in boxing and I’ve never heard of this guy.
3.) Holyfield has not looked good in his recent fights. He’s not making a comeback, he’s dragging his tired body through the most prolongued retirement tour anyone has ever seen.
4.) Foreman retired, or at least stopped fighting in 1977. He didn’t return to the ring for over ten years.
5.) And this is the big one. George Foreman was central to some of the most classic fights in history. He fought Muhammed Ali and Joe Frazier when he was in his prime. When he came out of retirement boxing had entered an entrirely new era. Ali and Frazier were long gone from the sport. It was the era of Mike Tyson. When Foreman returned to the ring he fought Evander Holyfield. And he fought him well. When Foreman won the title at 45 he defeated Michael Moorer who had taken the title from Holyfield. Foreman bridged two distinct eras of boxing and fought the best fighters in each era. No Tyson fight, but if Tyson hadn’t been in jail, that may have happened as well.
6.) Are we even in a era of boxing? Holyfield fought Lenox Lewis (and lost). Lewis retired. There are some Russians and Eastern Europeans out there boring the hell out of everyone. But many of them have fought some of the same people that Foreman and Holyfield both fought. There’s no bridge. It’s just the same road that is winding toward the least significant place I can think of.
Let’s call it the Lexington, KY of boxing.
Thus ends the longest I’ve ever written or thought about boxing.
When I saw this Headline, Kirk Douglas Fired Up Over Blacklist, Slavery I wanted this to be an article about how Kirk Douglas had started an active campaign railing against these two threats to our modern world. It all had a very Grandpa Simpson quality to it.
Sadly, he’s mostly just answering questions about Spartacus.
Read it if you want to, but trust me, the image in your head is WAY funnier.
This article was front page on CNN.com this evening.
Midway through the article there is a link that says CNN Fact Check. If you click through that link CNN has done some investigative journalism to find out whether the charges leveled by Palin are accurate.
Correct me if I’m wrong Sandy, but shouldn’t the article read more like this.
Sarah Palin accused Barack Obama of having links to a terrorist. That is a false accusation. While it is true that this guy lived on his street when he was 8 years old, there is no evidence that Senator Obama has a current relationship with this person. She is making reference to this relationship. We talked to this person, who said this, this person who said that. She’s completely full of shit.
While I like the fact that CNN is bothering to do this type of fact checking and reporting the fact that the accusation is false, I abhor the fact that if you just read the headline and the first few paragraphs you wouldn’t know that this accusation is false.
If you really want to know the full story you have to click through to another story entirely.
The headline should read Palin makes false accusations abotu Obama and the article that follows should have one paragraph about what she said and a full page about why it’s false.
People can come to all kinds of ridiculous conclusions when they are only given the lie. Funny that.
A few years ago, the father of one of my friends was trying his hand at internet dating. Rather than go the traditional, secular route, he decided to try his hand on a Christian dating website. It needs to be pointed out here that it may not be possible, using modern calendars and time keeping devices to pinpoint, with any degree of accuracy, when he last set foot inside a church.
One of the questions people are asked as part of their profile on this site is "Name your favorite Bible Passage."
His answer: "All of them."
Have you ever talked to someone who was trying to convince you how cool they were by telling you how much they loved Jazz?
Them: "Yeah, I love Jazz. Miles Davis is great."
You: "I totally agree, what’s your favorite album?"
Them: Long Pause "Oh, they’re all so good. I can’t pick a favorite. I like all of them."
This story came to mind after the latest installment of the Least helpful interview anyone has given since Bob Knight talked to Connie Chung about rape.
Katie Couric asked Sarah Palin which newspapers she read to stay informed. The following exchange took place.
Palin: I’ve read most of them, again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media.
Couric: What, specifically?
Palin: Um, all of them, any of them that have been in front of me all these years.
Couric: Can you name a few?
Palin: I have a vast variety of sources where we get our news, too.
Alaska isn’t a foreign country, where it’s kind of suggested, “Wow, how
could you keep in touch with what the rest of Washington, D.C., may be
thinking when you live up there in Alaska?” Believe me, Alaska is like
a microcosm of America.
